Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
