That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
now i know why i became what i already was.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
