You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
