So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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