I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
