eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
