The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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