i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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