Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
