So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
