yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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