the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
