I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
