God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
