I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
