she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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