I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize