oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
