So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
