im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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