Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as a side note pls kill me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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