guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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