he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
