Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
