So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
