We're facebook friends in real life
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
