Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
