I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
