Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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