It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
