Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
