His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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