your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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