If i come over, it means nothing
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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