Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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