I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
