You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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