I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
