Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
