he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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