my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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