and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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