I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
