Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
