Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
