Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
