tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
