dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I looked at my own cervix.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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