I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
