i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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