last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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