People in love make me want to vomit
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
