I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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