I can text with my tongue
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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