out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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