Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wear drunk well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
