I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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