what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
