Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
