he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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