we're blogging at a bar
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
