so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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