I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
