I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
