So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
