I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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