Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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