I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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