I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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